So I’m checking in here again. To reflect on how I have been feeling the past few months. I find the sadness controllable now. Losing myself in the drudgery routine of work. I quite enjoy it really. It occupies a space that would otherwise be filled with worry and guilt. An anxiety that consumes every ounce of energy until I’m left with nothing but tears in my eyes and a hollowness in my head. The worst is behind me, but like that benign tumor it stays to taunt me.
I sense a deep resentment in D now, one that will build with time. I can’t say I don’t care, but what can I do? The fear of messing up things further terrifies me to bits. Now that I am in a more stable state of mind, I feel that I can do something to move this ridiculous emotional stalemate. One for her friends and mine. And maybe for her as well. When do I do it? That is the hardest part really. Maybe tmr.
